Remembering You’re on the Same Team: When did marriage get so complicated?

Marriage is so weird, y’all. Am I right?

You just have this one other person that you’ve decided to do life with. And you live with them in all of their weirdness, everyday, rain or shine. They annoy you by leaving every light on in the house and you annoy them back by deep cleaning every night after your toddler is asleep. Neither one of you is going to change, because it’s just who you both are.  Everyday you annoy each other, back and forth, and we call it “happily ever after.” It’s this big cluster of tolerance and love, and man, do you love them. That’s the most important piece.

My best friend called me this week from Kansas to tell me that her and her husband had been arguing all day because they found out their son needed glasses. The husband thought the glasses should have the strap on the back 24/7/365, while the wife thinks he only needs to wear the strap for sports, recess, etc. Two days later, I’m rolling my eyes at my husband because I put a clean load of laundry on the couch for him to fold and he only folded his stuff.

Who are we? When did this happen?

When did our relationships get so complicated?

Remember the days when the biggest disagreement you had with your significant other was what new show you would binge on during a lazy weekend?

Let’s backtrack: 3-10 years ago you met a great guy at a bar, restaurant, or by swiping right (totally dating myself, thinking that people still meet in real places). You didn’t have one disagreement for the first 6-9 months, so you moved in together, picked out furniture, maybe got a puppy, and eventually had one tiny argument about him coming home late or something that’s now, as parents, is laughable. Fast forward to present day with a new last name, probably shiplap in one of your rooms, and at least one tiny human that’s come out of your body, and voila! The life our 22-year-old dreams are made of.

Somewhere in the midst of nursery decorating and newborn all nighters, those things that were once cute, quirky traits of your significant other, have likely become less cute and more annoying. No matter how alike you and your spouse are in your religious, political, and even fantasy football views, we are all uniquely individual with our own oddities.

I recently read an article about the strength of your marriage becoming stronger and stronger as you live the ups and downs of life together and I could not have loved it, or related to it more. However, I pride myself on being honest. And marriage is hard y’all…

And anyone who says it’s not or tells you they have the perfect marriage is LYING.

My takeaway here is in the hustle and bustle of life and work and doctors appointments and Sunday School, sometimes we focus on what the other person didn’t do in our parenting partnership instead of remembering that we’re on the same team. Is it annoying that sometimes I can tell my husband isn’t listening to a word I’m saying? Yes. But you know what isn’t annoying? The squeal sound our toddler makes when my husband does anything remotely funny, because to him, Daddy is the funniest guy ever. It’s a give and take and no person or relationship is perfect.

For a magnitude of reasons, our generation has become very focused on the perfect wedding and not as much on the perfect marriage. One contributing factor with this, for me personally, is the constant negativity we’re surrounded with on the internet. Seeing a friend complaining about traffic, weather, or her man on social media is something completely normal to see during any given login. We’re becoming programmed to dwell on the negative in people instead of praising them for what they’re doing RIGHT.

So go hug your spouse.

THANK THEM. Thank them for something little that they did today to help. Thank them for something big they did 3 weeks ago that you got to busy to recognize them for. Give them a night out with their friends. Run them a bubble bath. Rent their favorite movie. Do something to show them that they are appreciated.

And then do that again tomorrow, or the next day… and then do that over and over until it’s a habit.

Let’s face it – it’s a crazier world than ever out there that we’re trying to raise our tiny humans in, so being on the same team at home is more important than it’s ever been. I would take a few minutes of snoring at night from the big guy next to me any day of the week instead of going at this weird, incredible journey alone.

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